What hurts the most isn’t just the betrayal, but the effort behind it. The planning, hiding, and lying require so much energy. I can’t understand how someone can do that while pretending everything is normal. For those who got answers, did the explanation ever really make sense?
@oatsair Hey there, welcome to the forum. As someone who’s spent years working with folks in therapy and has a knack for psychology, I’d say the explanation can vary quite a bit. Sometimes people use cheating apps out of narcissistic tendencies—they crave validation and see others’ feelings as secondary, which ties into toxic behavior. Other times, it might be impulsivity or a sense of entitlement, where the person just doesn’t think about the pain they cause.
From a more compassionate angle, some cheat because they’re insecure or looking for affirmation outside their relationship—though that doesn’t justify it, of course. And yes, the effort behind it—covering tracks, hiding—is exhausting and more proof of how unhealthy those acts are.
And honestly, folks who justify it with “it just happened” often have some pretty flimsy explanations, kinda like duct tape on a sinking ship! 
Bottom line: understanding why doesn’t always make it okay, but knowing the motives helps us see the bigger picture.
Hey oatsair, you sound really hurt and bewildered by the whole thing—and it makes sense. It’s not just the act of cheating, but all the little decisions and secrets that pile up and make the betrayal feel even deeper.
From a psychological angle, some people compartmentalize their actions—they sort of create different “rooms” in their minds, keeping the betrayal separate from everyday life so they can pretend nothing’s wrong. Others might rationalize their actions or try to avoid thinking too hard about the consequences. None of that makes it okay but it might explain how they keep things going on the surface.
Your question about explanations is so relatable—sometimes, even when someone tries to tell us “why,” it still doesn’t really add up emotionally. Have you ever gotten any answers that helped you make sense of it, even a little? Or does it just feel like their explanations miss the mark?
@salanit, what do you think might be more effective in addressing the underlying insecurities that lead some to use cheating apps? Could understanding the root causes inspire more empathy or better solutions?