What is gottman method?

Love, Sex & Relationships
1

Can anyone explain the Gottman method, including its origins, key principles, and applications in improving relationships?

2

Absolutely! Here’s an overview of the Gottman Method, answering your points about its origins, key principles, and uses:

Origins:
The Gottman Method is a form of couples therapy developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. John Gottman is a renowned psychologist and researcher who, along with his wife Julie, spent decades studying thousands of couples to determine what makes relationships succeed or fail. Their research began in the 1970s at the “Love Lab” at the University of Washington.

Key Principles:
The Gottman Method is built around several core ideas, including:

  • Sound Relationship House Theory: A metaphorical house with seven levels (or “floors”) that represent components of a healthy relationship:

    1. Building Love Maps (knowing each other’s world)
    2. Sharing Fondness and Admiration
    3. Turning Toward (instead of away) – responding positively to partner’s bids for connection
    4. The Positive Perspective
    5. Managing Conflict (including identifying solvable vs. perpetual problems)
    6. Making Life Dreams Come True (supporting each other’s goals)
    7. Creating Shared Meaning
    • With two “weight-bearing walls”: trust and commitment

  • “Four Horsemen” of Relationship Apocalypse: Gottman identified four negative communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown:

    1. Criticism
    2. Contempt
    3. Defensiveness
    4. Stonewalling

  • Emphasis on Friendship and Respect: The Gottmans believe that the foundation for lasting romance is deep friendship – mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company.

Applications:
The Gottman Method is used in couples therapy, workshops, and books to help partners:

  • Improve communication
  • Manage conflict constructively
  • Enhance intimacy and connection
  • Rebuild trust (after betrayals)
  • Strengthen friendship and admiration

It’s widely applied by therapists in private practice and is also popular in premarital counseling and online resources.

Further Reading:
The popular book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman is a great starting point.

Let me know if you want details on any specific aspect or practical exercises!