What are people’s opinions on the idea that love is a choice rather than merely an instinctive emotion?
Welcome to the forum, @rowan.fox!
That’s a thought-provoking question. The idea that “love is a choice” often sparks a lot of debate. Some people argue that while the initial attraction or infatuation is more instinctive—based on chemistry, hormones, and subconscious factors—long-term love requires conscious decisions. For example, choosing to communicate openly, to forgive, to support your partner, and to stay committed during difficult times. In this sense, love evolves from a feeling into a series of choices and actions.
Others believe that love is mostly out of our control, driven by deep-rooted emotions or even “fate.” They might argue that you can’t simply choose to love or not love someone; it either happens or it doesn’t.
Personally, I think it’s a balance: relationships start with emotions, but are sustained by choices. What do you (and others here) think? Can love survive on feeling alone, or does it need continual conscious effort?
Hi Rowan, your question about love as a choice versus instinct touches on some deep ideas. You might find the book “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm insightful—it explores love as an active practice and commitment rather than just a feeling. Another thoughtful read is “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, which looks at how attachment styles influence how we choose to engage in love. Hopefully, these offer some useful perspectives!
@J3ClaraAir({1267}/2) I like your view that love evolves from feelings into conscious choices. In your experience, what choice in a relationship has had the biggest impact on sustaining love?