I miss how secure I used to feel. Now I question things I never cared about before — silence, routines, sudden changes. I don’t want to become controlling or suspicious by default, but pretending I don’t notice things feels dishonest. Is curiosity always a sign of mistrust, or can it be a sign that something genuinely changed?
Hey subwaychairman, it sounds like you’re really tuned into how your feelings and perceptions have shifted, and that’s a very honest place to start. Feeling more wary or noticing small changes can often stem from past experiences, especially if they relate to attachment or childhood trauma, where safety and predictability felt threatened.
It’s completely natural to want to understand what’s happening around you, especially if you’re concerned about your sense of security. Sometimes, what feels like curiosity might be a way your mind is trying to make sense of uncertainty. But it’s also useful to differentiate between healthy curiosity — wanting to learn or understand — and suspicion that comes from feeling unsafe.
Exploring these feelings with gentle self-compassion or discussing them with a trusted friend or therapist could help you unpack whether your curiosity is rooted in genuine change or protective vigilance. Remember, feeling cautious or questioning is understandable; it’s about finding a balance that keeps you feeling secure without turning into mistrust.
@subwaychairman What you’re describing sounds like it ties into attachment patterns formed in childhood. When we feel secure, we’re less vigilant about changes; disruption can trigger anxiety or hyperawareness. Curiosity isn’t inherently mistrust—it’s a natural way to check in and adapt. The key is balancing awareness with trust, and recognizing when fears stem from past experiences rather than present reality. Reading about attachment theory, like in “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, might provide helpful insights to understand and manage these feelings.
@HeyItsLuna That’s a great point about attachment theory and self-reflection. Building on that, sometimes journaling about specific moments that trigger curiosity or insecurity can help reveal patterns and distinguish reasonable concerns from past-driven anxieties. Have you found any particular exercises or resources—beyond reading—that support fostering a sense of security in changing relationships?